30 MS Fatigue

 

I have been thinking about writing a post about MS Fatigue for quite a while now, but have been holding back as it’s so hard to describe and explain and I don’t want to come across as being negative. 

I work really hard on maintaining a positive attitude, as I really do think it’s the best way to cope with chronic illness and life’s challenges in general.  That’s not to say I am happy and jolly all the time – I have my dark days and nights as much as anyone else, but I do make a conscious effort to stay positive as much as I can.

Fatigue is one of the most common MS symptoms and one of the hardest to deal with, because of the impact it has on everyday life, the fact that it is invisible to others and that it’s impossible to measure.  Fatigue is the most common reason for MSers to stop working or to reduce their working hours.

The exact cause of MS Fatigue is not fully understood, in fact there is so much about this disease that remains a mystery.  “Primary fatigue” is fatigue caused by the condition itself: the MS Society describes it like this …

“MRI scans of people who have fatigue show that they use larger areas of the brain to carry out activities than people without fatigue. Perhaps the brain is finding new routes for messages when the usual nerve paths have been affected.  Finding new routes might mean it takes more energy to carry out an action, and this might cause fatigue.”

MS Society – Fatigue

“Secondary fatigue” is accumulated fatigue caused by the difficulties of living with the disease and its symptoms.  Everyday activity requires a lot of concentration so as not to fall or bump into things or knock things over – I certainly notice that I have to work harder at this the more tired I am feeling. 

The MS Trust has excellent information on fatigue here …

MS Trust -Fatigue

Spoon Theory

Spoon theory was devised from a metaphor Lupus sufferer, Christine Miserandino used to explain her daily struggle with fatigue and varying energy levels.  She used spoons to represent the energy and effort needed to complete every day activities, explaining that healthy people will have unlimited spoons most of the time, whilst those with chronic fatigue have only 12, which they must use with care.  If you use too many spoons on one thing, you will not have enough spoons left for others.

Christine’s idea has resonated with many suffering from long term illness where fatigue is common.  Her account of how she first used the idea of limited spoons to explain how her illness affected her can be found here …

But You Don’t Look Sick 

This is well worth a read …I remember reading this several years ago and it helped me to understand what a friend with Fibromyalgia was dealing with.

Like many with MS, I often have to cancel plans , despite desperately wanting to continue, because I don’t have the energy (or spoons) or because I am worried I won’t have energy left for something else that I must do.

I am a sociable person, but socialising uses up spoons and I always have to make sure I have enough spoons to work and look after myself.

I often have a nap after work as I have reached the point where I literally cannot do anything else …I am all out of spoons!

I have been referred to a Fatigue Management Group at my local hospital, where I will apparently learn how to manage my fatigue (or conserve spoons).

Well, after writing this extra long post and using up several spoons, I’m off for a lie down!  ?

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12 Living in a small world

I’m trying very hard to stay upbeat, positive and optimistic through my diagnosis and search for the best treatment, but it hasn’t always been that way and to be honest, there’s the odd time when I still can’t manage it.

When I was first diagnosed (June 2017) I was in denial, kind of pretending it wasn’t happening, not really telling anyone and hiding my symptoms wherever possible.  It took me a whole year to get my head around it, to accept it and to decide the best idea is to learn as much as I can and do whatever I can to fight back. 

I have spent many years of my adult life as a single parent, putting all my energies into raising my children, giving them the best that I could.  I gave up my teaching job for a few years when I realised working 60 hours a week wasn’t compatible with lone parenting.  I prioritised my children, kept men at arms length and generally put other aspects of my life on hold.  Don’t get me wrong – these were happy times and I didn’t feel I was making a huge sacrifice.  I knew that this was just a stage in life and that before long my children would be grown up and independent and I’d have plenty of time to do things for myself.  I thought maybe I’d travel, join a dating site, rent out my house and work abroad, do a photography course, get fit …

Unfortunately 7 years of strange symptoms and worrying MRIs have cramped my style a little!  It’s hard to plan ahead and impossible to commit to anything too challenging when you’re not sure whether your body will be functioning properly.

In August 2016, I was having a really well phase and went on my first ever singles holiday.  I had an amazing time.   Unfortunately, shortly after my return home, I began my third and most severe MS relapse and haven’t had a symptom free day since then. 

At the top of Nea Kameni volcano, Santorini (Aug 2016]

One of my biggest disappointments is a few years ago having to defer, then withdraw, from a  Psychology of Education Masters course I had been offered a place on, when my health problems got in the way.  I hope I get another chance some day.

Sometimes I am all too aware that I’m neglecting  friends as my time, emotions and energy are limited and need to be rationed! 

So, in many ways, my world has become smaller over recent years, rather than the expansion I was hoping for.