self isolation – Another MS Warrior

I’ve been a bit unsure on whether to keep updating this blog at the moment. My treatment is on hold, life is on hold, in fact all our lives are on hold, the whole world is on hold. What strange times for us all.

I’m going to keep writing, because it really helps me to do so. I don’t mind at all if no one reads!

Well I’m now on day 18 of isolation and this time has been strange, interesting, unsettling, boring, frightening, calming and a million other things. The first few days were really tough. It really felt that I would never see my friends and family again, I was scared I wouldn’t cope being entirely in my own and I was worried about what will happen with my MS while waiting for the world to go back to normal.

Since then, I have managed to get myself into a new routine, to get on with work, to do a few jobs in the house and to mostly stay positive. There are times when it’s really hard. My little house can feel huge and empty and at other times, small and oppressive. Sometimes I feel desperately lost and alone, but powerless to do anything about it. I have lovely friends and family in my life and appreciate every single one of them. I have numerous people I could call or text or message but somehow I don’t – this is something I am working on. Most of the time I feel fairly upbeat, positive and optimistic. I feel grateful for what I have … my lovely home, my crazy cats, a job I love, my fantastic workmates and most of all, my friends and family. But sometimes the misery grabs me. I’ve always been like this but have always had options to go out do something, make plans, distract myself …it’s not easy to do that when you’re stuck inside your own four walls with only cats for company!

This is so true. Right now I am safe and I feel luck to be safe. I am able to carry on working from home and I have daily remote contact with lots of people. I know I am in a much better position than many are at the moment. I am only leaving the house for a daily walk in the local area and Niamh is doing my food shopping for me. I can manage like this for as long as I need to.

I am trying to push myself to walk every day, even when I don’t really feel like it and I’m finding that it really does lift my spirits. I have enjoyed spotting children’s pictures in windows and noticing all the good things about where I live.

I am lucky to live close to a beautiful park and am visiting when I can manage it.

I realise that we are all going through a period of adjustment at the moment and we are all still processing everything we are dealing with and the rapidly changing world in which we live. This will be taking a toll on us, even on a subconscious level. When we are unsettled by change, it’s the stability of relationships that gets us through. But relationships don’t quite feel right from a distance and that’s why I miss people so much and feel a bit out of kilter.

Apologies to anyone I have accidentally left out!

So, how am I managing my time?

Well I have discovered I feel much better when I stick to some sort of routine, so I continue to get up at my usual time and go to bed at my usual time. I am working from home 4 days a week, which is helping to keep me grounded and gives a sense of purpose. On the other days, I’m doing the usual housework, talking to friends and family, talking to my cats, trying a bit of yoga and meditation and making lists on all sorts of topics. There are a few jobs at home, like putting pictures up, that I haven’t got round to doing and I’m telling myself how lucky I am to have all this spare time To get these things done …I just need to muster up the motivation to actually do it!

If anyone has any top tips for coping with isolation, suggestions for new hobbies or activities I could try or ideas on how I can use this time to better myself, please send them my way.

Apologies to anyone offended by swearing ?

I also have an important decision to make …do I cut my fringe or let it grow?!

What is this strange world in which we are now living? Nothing is as it was and it’s very unsettling.

This has been a really tough week for many of us and I hope you are managing ok and doing all you can to keep yourself and others safe.

Last Monday, I should have been flying to Moscow for HSCT. I’m so disappointed to not be having my treatment and the emotional shock of this change has been very difficult. For me and my family, everything has been building towards that day and that one aim, so it knocked us for six when it didn’t happen.

As we have moved though the week and the threat of CV19 has increased, and all the necessary restrictions have been put in place, I have become increasingly thankful to be at home and to be feeling relatively safe. The thought of trying to travel home from Russia in this situation really scares me … so I’m going to sit this out and see what happens when life gets better for us all.

I spent most of Monday and Tuesday in a state of emotional shock about this big change, with the rapidly evolving CV19 situation as the back drop. On Wednesday I had a telephone appointment with one of Professor Sharrack’s team in Sheffield. I have to say that this was the best neurology appointment I have ever had! He really took the time to ask me how I am, what has changed since my last appointment and how my symptoms are impacting on my life. He was also pleased to find that I was still here and not planning to go to Russia anytime soon. I’m not sure what my rights are to choose my own consultant, but I intend to find out and choose this one if I can.

The upshot of the appointment is that I should have had a brain and spinal cord MRI in January and no one seems to know why it didn’t happen. So, I am to be referred again and will have a further consultation when the findings are known. Obviously I have no idea when this scan might take place, but at least I’m still in the system somewhere! I was also informed that the hospital in Sheffield have suspended their HSCT for autoimmune diseases because of the risks presented by CV19.

There was another devastating blow this week when we realised that the Swan Brewery head shave and Bald Eagle beer launch event cannot go ahead. Jimmy and Gill have worked so hard for this and are now having to work doubly hard to protect their small brewery business from the current crisis.

If you are in the Leominster area and would like some good beer as an occasional isolation treat, check out their collection or drop off options here …

Swan Brewery

On Monday, I discovered that both Niamh and I are on the government list of vulnerable people – me because of my MS and Niamh because of her asthma.

I decided I need to “socially distance” and self- isolate as much as possible ..something I found very upsetting and depressing to begin with. On Wednesday, we made the decision that we should not be together. Niamh lives part of the week with me and part of the week with her boyfriend, Callum and from now on, will be living at Callum’s. It was incredibly upsetting for us both when she came home after work to collect a few things, blow kisses and say goodbye from a distance …but it was the right thing for us to do.

Yesterday Niamh dropped off a food parcel after work. I thought I’d feel upset and it was hard not to hug her, but it really did give me a boost to speak to her and to see her in the flesh.

On Thursday I went back to work. When I say “went” I didn’t actually go anywhere at all, but worked from home. All of my team have been working from home since Tuesday and both my employer and team manager have been amazing at ensuring everyone is safe and able to work. We have a work WhatsApp group and are keeping in constant touch with each other, which is great. I didn’t want to go to the office at all, so a colleague collected a few things and brought them to me and we even managed a short socially distanced chat, with me on the door step and her on the pavement! It’s good this is happening at a time when there is a break in the usual rainy weather! Thank you Jan and lovely to see you ?

On Wednesday evening, the government announced that schools in England would be closing to most pupils from Friday afternoon. It’s actually incorrect to say that schools are closed – most are, in fact, open and will be providing care for the children of key workers as well as those who may be vulnerable. I work with children who are in care and who automatically come under the vulnerable heading, so it’s been a hectic couple of days trying to ensure everything is in place for them as it should be. The task was made more difficult because of both the lateness and vagueness of government directions and the variety of ways in which these were being interpreted.

Most council staff who are able to work from home are now doing so and our IT systems weren’t designed for this level of remote demand, so there have been challenges, but we are doing our best.

All in all I have enjoyed being back at work. It has been good to have something different to focus on (other than on myself!) and to feel I am doing something useful. I am absolutely exhausted though!

I’m glad it’s now the weekend and plan to catch up with friends and family via Skype, messenger, Facebook, whatsapp, text and good old fashioned phone call. How would we have ever coped with this situation without technology and access to the online world?! I’ve even been invited to a virtual pub lock-in!

I also plan to make some lists of things to do whilst at home and create a bit of a timetable for myself. I definitely function best with a bit of structure and purpose in my life. In addition, I will be reviewing my food situation and having a stern word with myself … if I continue as I am, I may well avoid the virus but I am likely to become a very fat alcoholic, which I’d also like to avoid.

The government and NHS websites are being updated regularly with advice and guidance on what we should all be doing to protect ourselves and each other and I am also checking various MS/CV19 pages too …

NHS COVID-19 page

Coronavirus (COVID-19): what you need to do (Government page)

MS Society COVID-19 page

Professor Gavin Giavannoni’s MS and COVID-19 Microsite

So this is my life for now. Living and working in this little house on my own, with two crazy cats for company. I hope to keep in touch with the people who matter to me and I hope to get myself into some sort of routine that also includes time outdoors. I am dependent on others to do my shopping and bring me what I need …this doesn’t sit easily with me but I’m going to assume that no one will offer help unless they genuinely wish to provide it. There is an amazing local community group emerging where I live, offering all sorts of help, home deliveries etc. so I’ll be making use of that too. Most human beings are fantastic in crisis! (We won’t mention the virus deniers and panic buyers for now!)

Tag: self isolation

126 Isolation day 18